Life in a strange land...

I have lived in Wellington, New Zealand now for the last 7 odd years and it's been a strange time. I am constantly missing the sights, sounds and tastes of Malaysia and Singapore. Shouldn't this feeling have subsided by now? Is this something that I can change?

I've tried to make connections and create new memories in this place but it still feels strange. A feeling that we're just passing through is always present. I still feel I don't belong on some days and life, in the meantime, has gone on. My wife and I have 2 children under 5 who were both born here in New Zealand and while they bring such joy to us, there is always that nagging feeling at the back of our minds that suggest that maybe we shouldn't be here. Could it be the result of coming from such busy cities to the quiet streets of New Zealand? (My commute to work takes only 20mins  by bus!!)

I still count the friends and connections I had back home to be the most influential and valued relationships I have. We keep in touch and are always on each others minds. Meanwhile, I have not made any connections like these here. Don't get me wrong, I have met lots of great people and have enjoyed good conversations with lots of people but it just isn't the same. We must be tied to the people and culture of our respective birthplaces somehow.

My grandfather left India when he was a child for, as legend has it, South Africa and somehow made it to Singapore eventually and made a success of himself. I often wonder how he did it. How did he make life work for him without the constant feeling that he was 'not a local'? My parents too left Singapore for New Zealand before I did and have been here for 9years. So, I do have family here and that helps immensely as I can't imagine what it must have been like for my Grandfather.The life of a migrant is challenging and it must have been harder for him. There was no internet, Skype or Facebook and so, when he left his homeland...he really left it.

Maybe, I need to embrace where I am and look forward to the future instead of holding on to the past. Perhaps it is time to focus on the next generation and make sure they have a better life and are well equipped for it and I will do my darndest to make it happen for them but I can't help thinking that it's my life too....

My 20month old Son Zachary

 My 4year old Daughter Sevita